Many of you would agree that modern society is the culprit of today’s dating drama, but what makes dating so freaking hard? Is it the addiction to technology? Or maybe the so-called hookup culture makes people unable to create relationships filled with sincerity and love?
It is harder and harder to find a partner worth spending time with and worth investing in. So, I can’t ignore the question in my head: Does our generation even want relationships? Or are Millennials genuinely interested in spending cold, crazy nights filled with fun and pure satisfaction? Just sex, no strings attached? Have the standards lowered?
It seems that love today is just a fairytale. People are losing hope and believe that a strong connection between 2 people and an unbreakable bond are only in movies.
The definition of a relationship changes over the years, and nowadays, intimacy or intimate relationships generally implies a close relationship between two partners and includes both physical and mental connection. But, many partners are not sure whether they belong together exclusively? Is their relationship based on truth, and is the strong bond based on honesty, or is it just a huge lie and delusion?
It seems that standardized courtship is part of the past. We all are familiar with the sequence of dating to falling in love. Much of the steps have changed, and change is undoubtedly great: partners openly talk about their experiences, preferences, and their identity in general. However, the fact that the rates of loneliness, anxiety, and depression are higher than ever, is disturbing.
Today, in the era of possibilities, social media and online dating, and the changes in gender politics significantly impact everyday life, including relationships. Psychotherapists explain that the quality of our relationships with other people determines the quality of our life. While relationships are one of the most important aspects of life, the vast majority of people forget the importance of connections with other people and how those relationships impact their overall health and wellbeing.
People who have stronger connections to their family and friends, and feel they belong to the community, are happier and physically healthier. On the other hand, less-connected people often suffer from health problems, including anxiety and depression. However, it is not about the number of friends you have, it is about how you spend time with them, how good your relationship is, and whether you are committed or not.
Society goes in the wrong direction and we can change it as individuals. We need to focus on investing and building solid relationships filled with love, respect, and happiness. If we consider all of the facts, it is not surprising that matchmakers, coaches, consultants, and basically everyone from the ‘dating industry’ have plenty of work.
Below you can read about several reasons why dating today feels so hard. This may help you understand why you cannot find your perfect match:
You Are Flooded With Images Of “Perfect Love”
Every day, every single minute, you are flooded with images of ‘perfect love.’ Regardless if you watch TV, movies, ads, or scroll through your social media feed, all you can see are perfect photos of perfect couples. If you constantly look at well-edited photos representing perfection, you will believe that perfection is authentic and start looking for it. Therefore, if you don’t find the perfect partner on your date, you will move on quickly.
Many people are deluded about reality, and for them, it is pretty complicated and challenging to date because they focus on the negative things. And if you are looking for imperfections, you will find them. Instead of looking for а non-existent ideal, you need to focus on what’s right. If you imagine that you will experience an intense and instant spark from the beginning, it is most likely to disappoint. And if you disappoint, you probably will continue to look for your perfect match. Modern technology provides us too many options, and it feels super easy to meet someone.
Excessive expectations of having fun all the time is another illusion imposed by the media. If you constantly look at photos of couples who travel, go on weekend trips, go to fancy restaurants and have fun all the time, you will expect to do the same things with your partner. Once the initial spark fades, you will become frustrated and bored because you wish to experience the spark over and over again.
Having Seemingly Unlimited Choices Makes Dating More Complex
Before modern technology, people relied on chance meetings. While today there are too many dating apps and social media networks. Just a few years ago, people were used to starting a conversation with a total stranger. They also used their friends as intermediaries and had limited opportunities to meet someone.
What is the difference? – The intensity of the connections.
Today, you can access anyone worldwide, literally. Meeting someone is as easy as few clicks. You don’t even have to bother to look for a partner; there are computer algorithms that will get the job done. You can improve your physical appearance with beauty apps, then set your preferences and wait for the magic to happen. And the best part: you can choose. You will get suggestions, and with a simple swipe, you can find your exact fit.
When you choose your perfect match from suggestions that a machine created, you don’t have to invest money or emotions. This is particularly convenient for those who are looking for casual sex and hookups. When there is nothing to invest in, people put their feelings and emotions aside.
“Culture” Gives Us Mass Confusion
Many things have changed in the last several years, and obtaining a casual sex partner is one of the changes. In the not too distant past, people had defined relationships. The ‘hookup culture’ created mass confusion. Today, besides that people openly talk about their experiences and emotions, it is challenging to determine their connection with others. The behavior of other people and their manner of expression makes things unclear. Playing games is kinda cool, and partners are not sure about how to express their opinion.
Committed relationships are challenging, and people easily decide to seek casual sex. When it is just about sex, there is no need for definitions for ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend.’
The Internet Makes It Harder To Be Truly Vulnerable
When we are talking about intimate relationships, vulnerability is one of the things that partners have. Being vulnerable means, you truly and deeply trust your partner. Screens are a perfect barrier to avoid vulnerability and be exposed. When you use your phone to communicate and build a relationship, you can avoid true intimacy if you want to. Modern technology allows you to hide, and you have time to think. When you think about your relationship, you cannot connect deeply to your partner, which is why moving on is so easy.
Social media and online dating applications allow you to create the perfect version of yourself. You can be whoever you want to. The person on the other side cannot check the truth. The risk of falling in love with someone’s creation of a perfect person is enormous. But, the risk is mutual – think about that.
Most people don’t do that intentionally; in fact, people tend to create the person they think they are, and reality is not always aligned with their image. If you create a profile with the person you think or wish you are; you potentially will attract the wrong person.
Physical closeness, contact, and touch make people fall in love and have emotions. If you use your phone to find your perfect match and don’t meet that person, you probably won’t try too hard. You don’t feel the need to be vulnerable, scared, compromising when the person is somewhere living their life without you there.
There’s A Lot Of Distraction & A Lot Of Gray Area
In the past, relationships had quite a precise definition. Two people were either together or not. There was no such thing as ‘in the middle.’ Today, things are different, and there are too many variables.
Partners have various needs and expectations, so they put their relationship in one of the many gray shades that exist. As long as both partners agree on the conditions, others cannot do anything about that. You can be in any type of relationship you want, including having sexual relationships outside of monogamy.
How did we get to this point? Too many distractions are the only correct answer. The internet makes things confusing, and limited in-person connections make things even more challenging. Relationship trough social media creates a false sense of knowing your partner. There are too many options that are too easy to get, so it is troublesome to date someone in today’s modern society.
What to do about it?
Give yourself time: spend more time with your family and friends and remind yourself about the true values in life;
Be present: put your phone aside and don’t check your messages and emails all the time. Spend quality time with the people you love the most.
Listen: pay attention to details, listen to what others have to say, and try not to judge.
Talk: share your feelings, expectations, emotions, and needs. Talk honestly and accept support from people who genuinely care about you.
Recognize unhealthy relationships: spend time with people who emit positive energy – you will start feeling much happier.
