Relationships are about love, care and fulfillment, although every now and then, couples fight. There are ups and downs, but difficult times are the best way to determine whether you and your partner have a healthy relationship. If there are occasional arguments or disagreements, there is nothing to worry about. However, if your relationship faces huge fights or unnecessary squabbles too often, you definitely should ask yourself: “Is it over?”
Romantic comedies are about couples who fight a lot, but they still end up together at the end of the day. Why? Well, love is the obvious answer. Romantic love can cause powerful feelings and mess up your head. Very often, people stay in unhealthy relationships because they are unable to recognize their relationship is over. It is interesting to mention that endorphins, the chemicals produced by the nervous system to cope with pain or stress, has a huge impact on reasoning, which sometimes obscures people in making logical decisions.
According to psychologists, some couples don’t recognize the signs their relationship is deteriorating. The reason for that may be they don’t know what to look for. Nonetheless, some partners don’t want to admit and face the fact that a breakup is imminent. When are in a relationship, people invest their time and emotions. When they are in a long relationship, ignoring few disagreements is much easier than breaking up. I must agree that it is tough to break up with someone you love, but the feeling of unhappiness, anger, or disappointment is not healthy for none of you.
Have you ever faced with a feeling of doubt whether your relationship is over? Have you ever wondered if you disagree too often? Do you have mixed feelings that you simply can’t ignore? Reaching the end of the relationship is not a bad thing. Sometimes it is incredibly liberating to break up. Analyzing the good and bad moments is a good start that will help you decide whether it is worth fighting or time to separate.
Is your relationship over, or is it “Just Another Fight?”. Is your gut telling you something is up? Read on and find out.
You fight constantly.
Yes – constant fights are the first and most obvious sign that you should break up. Regardless of whether you are fighting about small things like which movie to watch or about something more significant, such as choosing an apartment, you should take a moment and think about it. Fights are a certain indicator that your relationship is not working as it should. Forget about all romantic beliefs that there is no such thing as a fight that you cannot overcome. There it is! And it is up to you to end a relationship if it is difficult for both to find the common sense of connection that was present at the begging. If you fight too emotionally and the fights are ‘heated,’ it would be wise to consider if those fights are a symptom of underlying issues.
The end of the relationship starts with small fights about unimportant things, but the arguments get worse over time. While the occasional argument signifies that both partners are committed, constant conflict signals that something is not as it should be. A healthy debate is a discussion in which partners fight for a particular reason. If partners don’t stay focused on the problem and lose track, the conversation becomes an argument about personal things. Over time, things escalate. Avoiding an argument that can trigger another argument without a solution is an alarm that you need to cool down.
On the other side, if you stopped even bothering to fight, you should also consider breaking up. If you are too apathetic to fight at all, it means you have become careless for your partner. No fighting at all is a clear sign that you or your partner don’t even bother to try to make things work out. In the same way, too many emotions often lead to fights, no emotions lead to apathy, and both situations lead to the same outcome – a breakup. Either way, failing to communicate leaves a massive void in the relationship, and most often, separation is inevitable.
When something significant happens, you do not share the good news with your partner.
Did you get a promotion?; Bonus for your fantastic work?; Words of praise from your boss who has high standards?; Did you lost a family member?; Your best friend is getting married?; Who is the first person you will tell the exciting news? If you answer this question honestly, you will get a clearer picture of your relationship.
Sharing big news, regardless of whether we are talking about good or bad ones, tells a lot about the ‘condition’ in your relationship. If another person comes before your partner, it means your intimate partner is not your closest friend anymore. Most marriage and relationships experts agree that your partner should not be your only cheerleader. Still, when the relationship with other persons becomes stronger, the link between you and your intimate partner gets weaker.
You avoid each other.
Even though it is unreasonable to spend all of your free time with your partner, if you notice that you suddenly are spending more time with family and friends, you should think about the reason for that.
Every couple, especially those in a long relationship and those who live together, has activities they are doing together. Over time, couples fall into rituals, such as drinking coffee in the morning, going on a picnic once a month, or buying gifts without a particular reason. These habits may seem ordinary, but most couples appreciate doing ‘their’ activities together, which becomes ‘their thing.’
We are not talking about an unfaithful partner, but if you choose another person to share quality time and do all things with, instead of with your partner, it is clear who your priority is. Even if you choose to do things on your own, you are still avoiding your intimate partner.
It is essential to have healthy relationships with others, so it is a must to have a boys and girls night once in a while. However, if you prefer others rather than your partner, and spending time with anyone but your partner brings you joy, you should consider a breakup.
Over time, avoidance leads to stronger emotions and even hate.
It is not uncommon for partners to feel the need to take a break, but if you are occupied with it, ask yourself, what is the reason for that?
One (or both) of you is not seeking help.
Sometimes the relationship is not over yet, and there is something that can be saved. If you notice that your relationship does not work as it should, seeking the help of a licensed professional can help you fix the problem. It is possible to repair your relationship, even if it seems broken, but you need to make an effort. Consulting a professional can help you to improve your communication which may save your relationship. Seeking help for your relationship can be simplified: if you drive a car with a flat tire and you ignore the warning alarm to pull over, your car will lose control and will drive off the road. Your relationship will end on the same way.
At the point where you and your partner choose not to ask for help, whether individual or couple’s therapy, a breakup is inescapable.
Another aspect of healthy relationship is helping each other. You and your partner are supposed to help each other and make compromises. In case your partner is not interested to help you and don’t bother to do things that may save your relationship, the solution is obvious.
You’ve gone off sex
Intimacy and sex life have a significant impact on every relationship. Each couple’s sex life has ups and downs caused by stress or boredom in long-term relationships. Sexual desire hugely depends on everything happening in your life, which is not necessarily a sign that the relationship is over. However, if you are not interested in cuddling, having sex, or being intimate, it is a clear sign that your relationship will not improve.
Physical connection should not be the number one priority in the relationship. However, if there aren’t any intimate moments between your partner and you are not interested in improving that, it is clear that you are no longer looking for pleasure and intimacy with your partner.
Relationships are defined by the love and passion between the partners. If you are no longer interested in having sex, there must be a reason for that.
When we are talking about sex, it is not uncommon for partners to start feeling interested in other people. It is in human nature to find other people attractive, and it is not linked with the love you feel for your partner. Even when are in a happy relationship or marriage, many people feel attracted by other individuals. Sometimes you notice a handsome guy on the street, and you feel sexual desire. Scientists explain that you cannot control that, and there is no reason to feel guilty. An innocent flirt won’t cause any damage to your relationship, and it is no sign that you should break up.
Still, if those platonic flirtations become more common, and you find yourself attracted by other people more often than by your partner, there is reason to worry.
Partners in long relationships feel bored and start doing this they wouldn’t regularly do. Cheating is a clear sign that you have lost interest in your partner and the relationship. No matter what the explanation is, it is a poor way to justify your actions. Sex with other people is not just a physical act; it is a betrayal of your love and everything you have.
Probably the worst thing you can do is to imagine other people while you are having sex with your partner.
Every flaw becomes annoying.
We all have flaws, and when we love someone, we tend to see the good characteristics in that person. A good relationship means learning how to accept your partner’s flaws. If you find it difficult to notice any positive thing about your partner, there must be a reason for that.
At the begging of your relationship, you indeed had plenty of words of praise for your partner. As your relation evolutes, those words become words of kindness, love, and respect. Once you start struggling to say something positive about your partner, and if you start thinking about all the negative characteristics of your partner, it’s likely time to break up.
Shortcomings are part of the relationship, but if they become unbearable, if they start annoying you and you feel nervous, the damage is irreparable. Sometimes the good features seem irritating when there is no love and respect. When the relationship comes to its end, minor flaws become a reason for a great fight. Lost keys?; Unpaid bills?; The trash is not thrown away?; You name it!
You can’t imagine the future together.
At this point, it is more than clear that there is no salvation for your relationship. Relationships are about a bright future together, and if you don’t have that, you have nothing. At the point where you notice that you and your partner don’t talk about the future and don’t make plans, it is time to split up. What is the point in staying together if your relationship isn’t going anywhere? Is it worth spending another minute with a partner you don’t have familiar plans for the future?
Moving in together or buying a house, getting married, having kids are just a few of the many big plans that most couples have. Traveling and enjoying life with your partner should be the most important plan, and if it is not, it is time to leave.
If a shared future together with your partner is not in your imagination, your view is not aligned; on the contrary, the relationship is ending. A wise choice is to break up and save something good from your relationship. Split up as friends and go on without any regrets.
