In some circles, the nice guy finishing last is a popular phrase.
It basically means that if women view you as too nice, then tough luck buddy. You’re headed on a one way trip to the “Friend Zone” and you’re never coming back!
Now, this isn’t always true in every case…
But let’s be honest. There is a very real reason why this is such a popular saying.
I’ve never been considered what most would call a nice guy. In fact from the ages of Puberty to 25, most people would label me as “kind of a dick.”
Yah, I heard that one all the time.
That said, I have lots of friends that are continuously finding themselves in the friend zone, or being cheated on.
Regardless of how well they treat their lady counterparts.
There can be many reasons for this and I will go over 5 very common ones today.
Here are the top 5 reasons that I’ve seen nice guys finishing last.
Reason #1: Nice guys think it’s a contest to please women.
The very first reason that nice guys finish last is because they have been conditioned from day one of their lives to “pleasing women”.
A lot of times you hear people saying how boys are raised to oppress girls and tear them down. However times have changed drastically and men no longer can get away with treating women like second class citizens.
The problem now is that men are overcompensating and trying to please women by flashing cash, status, or going as far as paying all of their bills (AKA Simping).
If a woman feels like she has options and you’re using thirsty tactics like this, she will not take you as a serious prospect. If a woman knows that she can get whatever she wants from you without having to commit to you, then why wouldn’t she get her needs met while still being able to live a free, single life? Guess what, men do the exact same thing. But instead of status and cash, they prefer sexual gratification from women. If a man can get what he wants from a woman without committing, then why would he need to commit? You do the math.
Reason #2: They don’t know how to convey interest in a woman.
There are 3 types of men:
1. Those who can show interest in a woman confidently yet subtly.
2. Those who go way too far within moments and are overly aggressive.
3. And those who don’t have enough confidence to even show interest so they are often mistaken as nice guys, or batting for the opposite team.
Having the ability to express interest in a woman without coming across as either thirsty or desperate is a delicate balance.
Without this balance it is easy to fall in one of the previous categories, causing women to feel repelled instead of attracted. Nice guys who get friend zoned often complain that women are shallow because they only want “assholes” but the truth is that women who complain about this are generally not attracted to you because you came off in a way that is not appealing.
Or they have an understanding that you are a bench warmer that will stick around and wait for them in hopes that she will finally give you that chance that you always wanted. And if things don’t work out with her dream guy, then she can always settle for the nice guy who never left.
Reason #3: They’re unsure of themselves.
There's nothing sexier than a woman who is classy, intuitive, and comfortable in her own skin. Do you think a woman doesn't want a man who possesses similar traits?
All of those things are general traits that most people in the dating scene are looking for. So when a man comes off as being unconfident or unsure of himself, A woman will either a. write you off and pursue the next, or B. exploit you for the dweeb that you are.
It may not sound pretty, but those are your two high level options with a whole lot of sub options underneath.
People are attracted to confidence far more than they are attracted to looks or anything else.
There are hundreds of millions of dollars spent advertising based on sex appeal but you don’t see people lining up to buy confidence. So instead of trying to act like someone that you’re not, develop your own traits and amplify them.
Reason #4: They come off as being too available.
If there is one requirement for men it’s this:
Don’t be too available.
It’s a total turn off for a guy to be too eager or too easy going. And don’t get me wrong, that shit was probably cool when you were like 14. But respectable women who are ideal partners are looking for a man who actually has shit going on in his life, but yet CHOOSES to make time for her.
That doesn’t mean that you should blow women off or pretend that you’re more important than you are. What it means is that you should have something going for yourself that you spend time on…
Women want a man that makes time for her purposely. Not a man who would literally leave his grandma's funeral in order to pick up a pretty girls dry cleaning just to make himself feel useful to her.
Reason #5: Nice guys are scared of confrontation.
Let’s say that you’re a nice guy and you make it through the dating phase. Let’s take it a step further and say that you got to put a ring on the woman of your dreams because she gave up and decided that she was going to try this thing called life with a safe, nice guy. You think you’ve won right?
Unfortunately you’re wrong.
There will eventually be a time that tough decisions have to be made. an example is when men don't want to give their partner honest feedback because they don't want to upset them.
Now don’t get me wrong, people who pride themselves on “keeping it real” and have an attitude behind it all the time are 10x worse than someone who avoids confrontation.
But people who simply won’t tell you like it is just because they don’t want to hurt your feelings can be VERY unattractive. Especially as a man. If you are scared of confrontation because you feel like it will hurt a woman’s feelings, then chances are she will not respect you.
When I was managing teams, the amount of times women came to me and asked me for my opinion or advice because they couldn’t rely on their spouses opinion was astounding. It was evident that although the man felt like he was doing the right thing by not saying something that would upset her, she would immediately start looking for another man’s opinion to rely on.
And let me make it very clear nice guy.
All it takes is an inch of room for a confident man to come take every thing that you have.
Because let’s be real, if he can give good, trustworthy advice, he probably has other skills that a woman is attracted to.
Another example is when I see nice guys keeping themselves in bad situations with shitty women, all because they don’t feel they can get anything else or they don’t want to be alone.
Meanwhile, his woman is walking all over him, running his life and knows she can get away with doing whatever she wants behind his back (or even in-front of his face). The fact is regardless of gender, age, or culture, most people do not respect people that they can walk all over. There has to be a balance or else you will keep being someone else’s doormat.
There are many other examples of why nice guys finish last but these are the few that I notice most when speaking to women.
If you’re a nice guy, keep your head up and remember what society says about women is not always true. Nice guys do win once in a blue moon.
But generally speaking, it is your job, right, and duty as a man to be confident, self respecting, and collected
Tell your woman what you think and give constructive criticism. And if she can’t take it then chances are you don’t need her in your life.
If you’re a woman who is constantly surrounded by nice guys, find out what makes them so damn “nice”. If he lies to you because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, encourage him to speak up and share his true emotions. You’re a tough girl, you can take it.
At the end of the day, you’re looking for a confident man. One who can make decisions and not be walked all over by YOU of all people.
So guys if you are reading this, next time you go out to talk to women or plan your night out on the town. Leave your nice guy attitude at home. Don’t be a douche or a sleazy goofball, but also don’t be a doormat. You will get no where with that.
