After a breakup, many people seek out the answers to what went wrong. But is it really that important why your ex left you? Sometimes things are more complex than we realize, and when looking for an answer, there may be some other problems much simpler at heart of our dilemma.
What is the cause of most break ups?
The reason behind many breakups can often just boil down into one big issue: lack emotional attraction between partners in relationships.
Some breakups are circumstantial, but if the emotional attraction and love remained high, most of those situations would not result in the dumper wanting to break up.
It’s not as complicated as we make it.
Although many couples these days seem to be getting along fine, without a dramatic break-up or any huge problems going on within the relationship, why do their relationships still fail? If two people lack emotional attraction and love for each other, the relationship is destined to fail.
Emotional attraction can make or break a relationship
It’s no secret that physical attraction plays a huge role in romantic relationships, but it’s not usually enough to sustain a strong foundation of love and commitment that will be able to withstand the daily grind of life. In order for your partner to feel loved and wanted in the relationship, there also needs to be an emotional attraction.
Emotional attraction is all about feeling the emotion of love towards your partner. This kind of attraction cannot be easily summarized or talked about in general because it differs between individuals and can’t just be summed up into a list of characteristics that will universally apply to every case. It’s also important to understand that emotional attraction is not always felt towards your partner at first sight. Emotions can change and develop over time, but in order for it to happen, you must show genuine interest in the other person’s feelings.
I’m sorry to say that if attraction and love are high, your ex would have done whatever it took to overcome the situation in order to stay in the relationship with you. But for whatever reason, they didn’t feel enough emotional attraction to make anything work out.
Their breakup does not have a definite answer
When someone dumps you or leaves you high and dry, it’s your first thought that something must be wrong with them. It’s hard to believe that a person who used to love you can just turn their feelings off so quickly and easily.
And the truth is, they probably didn’t do it to hurt you. Lack of emotional attraction can be a gradual issue that sneaks up on both partners in a relationship until one day it just becomes obvious that there’s nothing keeping them together except for obligation and convenience.
It’s not your fault if it happens.
Lack of emotional attraction can happen to anyone, regardless of how amazing you are. It just doesn’t matter if you’re good-looking, smart, successful, or whatever other qualities people say they want in their partners – it’s just not enough until the person feels that connection with you.
That said, I’m not saying that you should accept a breakup as inevitable, nor is it my intention to make you think less of yourself. Plenty of couples with serious problems have been able to work through those problems and stay together happily, even if those issues may not be what they originally thought was the sole reason for their relationship’s demise.
I can help you get back the attraction and love your ex once felt for you.
The first step is to recognize that the deterioration of those two things is what caused you to lose your ex, and that nothing can be talked back into them.
So many relationship issues that cause a breakup can be overcome by high levels of attraction.
If attraction begins to fade or never was strong to begin with, minor flaws in the relationship become more noticeable. You lose that “spark” that brings you back together, and it’s easy to start seeing flaws in each other.
The big question here is usually what one person can do to bring back the feelings of attraction they once had for their partner. I’m here to tell you that it’s not something you can accomplish yourself. You can’t force somebody to love you or feel attracted to you unless they genuinely want those things for themselves, and if your ex doesn’t have those feelings for you anymore, there’s very little chance of immediate change.
The good news is that emotional attraction can come back.
The bad news is that is can take some time.
Your best bet is to get started on yourself and work on the aspects of your life that make you a better person.
“But how can I be more attractive to my partner emotionally?”
Although you cannot make someone feel attracted to you, there are some things you can do in your life that will foster attraction when they happen.
Are you trying too hard to make them fall in love with you again, or just generally acting desperate? Of course not!
But it’s important to show that your ex is still on your mind and that they mean something more to you than just a casual ex.
People are more attracted to other people who make them feel good about themselves or compliment their strengths and abilities.
When your ex sees you making improvements in yourself, they’ll think that if they did get back together with you, there’s a chance that the relationship might work out this time because it would mean they were getting something better than the last time around.
Your self-improvements don’t have to be anything too flashy – you’re not trying to impress them anymore, after all! Just make sure that your new energy and drive in life is visible enough for anybody to notice. It’s also important that these changes are permanent; if they were to come back and you’d be no different than before, they’d think that you’re just trying to trick them into getting back together.
Your ex might not know what went wrong, or if their feelings will suddenly reappear.
You can’t expect your partner to take the initiative in fixing problems that were there before the breakup, because they didn’t cause them.
However, you can make your ex want to give the relationship another chance by showing them, and most importantly yourself, how much you’ve changed for the better since then.
So don’t be afraid to pack up and start over if that’s what it takes! We all have to start somewhere, right?
All in all, though, the only reason a person breaks up is because they don’t want to be in the relationship anymore.
No matter how you try to change your ex’s mind about things or show them how much better you are now, deep down inside if their feelings for you have changed it’ll never work out. I’ve seen this happen hundreds of times, and I’ve come to realize that there is no real way to avoid a breakup.
People change their minds all the time, or they simply get tired of something and go searching for a new experience. We can’t control how others feel, but we can control our own actions. So make lasting changes in your life – changes that are useful and meaningful – and not only will you be happier, but your ex might want to catch up with you once they see how much better life is without them!
Conclusion:
Don’t hold yourself back because your partner doesn’t share the same feelings that they once did. It’s time you took control of your life, made positive changes for yourself, and showed them how much better you are!
Your ex will see the changes in you, and might want to give you another chance. And at this point, maybe you will be the one that doesn’t want to get back together.
You may feel like you will never get over your breakup, or that even if you do it won’t be anytime soon.
The good news is that emotional attraction can come back to your life if you work on improving yourself. The thing is, it might attract your ex back, but it might also attract someone who is even more compatible with you.
It might not seem like it right now, but your ex leaving really wasn’t a bad thing!
