(Part 1)
“Know thyself”…. “to thine own self be true” – We’ve all heard those famous sayings, but when you really think about it…do you even know what it means? You might have some of the same questions that I had:
Which “self” am I supposed to be true to? Is it the one that shows up when I’m in a bad mood? Or the one that appears when I’m relaxing? Is it the self that appears when I’m arguing with my partner? Or the self that shows up when I see a cute puppy? And most importantly, don’t I already know myself?
I know myself better than anyone else.
We all know ourselves deeply, right? But would someone who knew exactly what they wanted, who knew their full potential, and knew what made them feel good, constantly worry all the time?
Things are not as simple as they seem. We don’t know as much about ourselves as we should, and that’s what causes all of this stress to begin with.
When we are not living in a way that matches that of our true, innermost self, it causes our bodies to signal us. Our bodies are constantly talking to us through how we feel. Those negative emotions are telling you something: “THIS DOES NOT FEEL GOOD. WE DO NOT WANT TO LIVE THIS WAY ANYMORE. LET GO OF THAT FEAR. LET’S MOVE. LET’S SHIFT!”
How you feel right now in this very moment (happy, sad, angry,) is an indicator of how aligned you are with your true self and your true values. With your inner “source”.
Trust me, you are very much connected with that part of yourself. The problem is, most people don’t understand the different aspects of who they are, so they mistake themselves for something they are not. Like their thoughts, for example.
Now, let’s figure out what these other aspects are and why we even have them.
(Part 2)
Freud, the father of psychology, divided the psyche into 3 parts: the id, the ego, and the superego.
The id
The id is the most basic part of the personality. It also represents our most animalistic urges, like the desire for food and sex. The id seeks instant gratification for our wants and needs. If these needs are not met, a person can become tense, anxious, or angry.
The personality of the newborn baby is completely id and only later does it develop an ego and super-ego.
The id always remains the same in its function throughout a persons whole life and does not change with time or experience, because it is not in touch with the external world at all.
The id doesn’t care about reality or about the needs of anyone else, only its own immediate satisfaction. When the id wants something, nothing else is important! When this happens we experience pleasure, and when it is denied we experience discomfort or pain.
Examples:
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A hungry baby crying until they were fed.
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Henry was hungry. Instead of waiting for the server to bring his food, he reached across to the table and ate from someone else’s plate.
The Ego
The Ego is our representative to the outside world. The ego deals with reality, trying to meet the desires of the id in a way that is socially acceptable in the world.
This may mean delaying gratification and helping to get rid of the tension the id feels if a desire is not met right away. The ego recognizes that other people have needs and wants too, and being selfish isn’t good in the long run.
It is the decision-making component of personality. Ideally, the ego works by reason, whereas the id is chaotic and unreasonable.
Like the id, the ego seeks pleasure, such as relieving stress, and avoids pain, but unlike the id, the ego is concerned with devising a realistic strategy to obtain that pleasure.
The ego has no concept of right or wrong; something is good simply if it achieves satisfying without causing harm to itself or the id. The ego cares what people think.
Example:
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Henry was hungry. However, he knew that the server would be back soon with his food, so he waited until then to eat, even though he really just wanted to eat from a plate that was closest to him.
The Super-Ego
The Super-Ego develops around ages 3-5 and is the judgment system that our parents and society has instilled in us. The superego develops last, and is based on morals and judgments about right and wrong.
Even though the superego and the ego may reach the same decision about something, the superego’s reason for that decision is based more on moral values, while the ego’s decision is based more on what others will think or what the consequences of an action could be on the individual.
The superego’s function is to control the id’s impulses, especially those which society deems as bad, like sex and aggression.
Behavior that falls short of the ideal self usually gets punished by the superego through guilt. The super-ego can also reward us through the ideal self when we behave “properly” by making us feel proud.
If a person’s ideal self is too high a standard, then whatever the person does will represent failure. The ideal self and conscience are largely determined in childhood from parental values and how you were brought up.
Example:
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Henry knew he could steal the supplies from work and no one would know about it. However, he knew that stealing was wrong, so he decided not to take anything even though he would probably never get caught.
Now, these psychological descriptions of “self” are insightful, but they still do not reflect the “you” that we’re gonna get to know throughout our journey together!
