Generally accepted definition of an open relationship: an agreement between partners in a relationship to have other sexual and/ or romantic partners. In other words, both partners aren’t exclusively dating each other. People in an open relationship are okay with the fact that their partner has intimate relationships with other people. Regardless of their partner is having sex or emotional relationships with other people, people in an open relationship agree to go on a date, flirt, and hook up with other people whenever they wish to do so.
Basically, we are talking about non-monogamous relationships in which both partners experience satisfaction. It is important to emphasize that an open relationship isn’t the same thing as cheating. While cheating is unethical, open relationships are based on agreement, which is ethical by nature. Therefore, this type of relationship happens when there is full consent from both partners.
Partners in an open relationship are honest to each other, and they talk about their relationships with other people. Often, they share details about their experiences: kiss in the elevator with the sexy lesbian or sex with the hot guy they met at the bar. They don’t get pissed at each other; it is quite the opposite: they enjoy it. Some couples even find sexual intercourse with other people exciting, making them even more passionate.
According to a study published in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, one in five adults had been in some form of an open relationship in their lifetime. Another survey discovered that up to 31% of women and 38% of men would prefer a non-monogamous relationship. Analysts conclude that younger respondents were more likely to choose open relationships.
While for many people, sex is a delicate topic and а taboo, individuals in open relationships talk, pursue, and have sex with other people. People in such relationships explain that this way of functioning brings them more pleasure, satisfaction, orgasms, and excitement. Sometimes, there is a combination of love and sex, and both partners have a great time and enjoy the benefits.
Have you ever wondered if you and your partner should consider an open relationship? Below you can read several sentences that characterize individuals who are in an open relationship. If you answer positively on most of them, you might bring something new to your relationship.
- Both of you believe you can love more than one person at the same time;
- Seeing your partner having sex with someone else turns you on; you don’t feel jealousy
- You are open to exploring your sexuality with a different gender;
- Mismatched libido: one of you uses sex toys to satisfy needs and sexual appetite;
While the idea of an open relationship sounds interesting or exciting, and you might be curious about that, not necessarily means you are the right couple for that.
Open relationship: advantages and disadvantages
There must be a reason why one in five people have been or is part of an open relationship, right? People who are part of an open relationship explain that novelties and the opportunity to explore are just a few of the many reasons they have an open relationship. Others say that consensual non-monogamy allows them to be with as many people as they want. For some, the decision to be part of an open relationship is probably the best decision they ever had: they have a sexually fulfilled partner, reflecting everyday life.
But, what about the disadvantages? According to most people who are in an open relationship and are satisfied with everything it offers, the only reason for dissatisfaction may be the wrong reasons for entering into such a relationship. If you or your partner had different expectations and ideas of how it works, you might feel disappointed or manipulated. Open relationship affects your life and relationship, and you need to be prepared for changes.
How do you know if it’s right for you?
Determining whether an open relationship is right for you and your partner is not as easy as answering few questions. You can think about that, but making a decision is а complex process.
The first step is to identify whether you are monogamous or not? What monogamy means to you? Do the messages and examples of monogamy while you were growing up influenced your opinion? Are you interested in opening your relationship? If the answer is yes, why? Is it because of the needs of your partner? Or do you have feelings for another person?
Once you decide to open your relationship, take a moment and imagine how your life might look before you take the first step. Is that what you really want? It is important to think about all aspects of an open relationship: Will, you and your partner have other partners? What kinds of sex are allowed? Will you do that while you are together? Last but certainly not least, how do you feel about this?
How to bring up the question about opening your relationship to your current partner?
You may encounter resistance once you start talking about this topic if you are not careful enough. It would be best to keep in mind that you should never try to convince your partner to be in an open relationship. Therefore, try to explain your feelings and needs. Start with the question of whether your partner is open about talking about opening your relationship. Explain that you would like to have sex with other people and explore more about it. If you are interested, you can suggest inviting a third person to your bedroom. Talk about your fetishes and fantasies, your libido. An open relationship can make your dreams come true and satisfy your sexual needs. Give your partner time to process this information. At first, it may sound crazy but eventually may come true.
If you and your partner decide to move to the next step, make sure you have ground rules. In order to make it functional, you need to agree about what you can and cannot do. Keep in mind that opening your relationship means improving your love life and experiencing a new type of pleasure. Stay transparent about what you want and what you do; otherwise, your relationship will fall to pieces. You can always re-negotiate the agreements, but for a start, you need to keep it straight. The point of opening the relationship is to make everyone feel secure and pleasant. Generally speaking, rules are meant to control the behavior of the partner. Don’t forget to inform the third or fourth person, because your agreements affect them as well.
From time to time, sit down and talk about your experience. Talk about your feelings. Check the boundaries and set new ones if necessary.
Along with rules of behavior, you should have emotional boundaries. For most couples, not falling in love with other people is the only rule they require. However, you cannot entirely control your emotions. Therefore, before opening your relationship, you need to be sure that you are ready for any situation that might come up.
When it comes to your health, you need to protect yourself and your partner from potential sexually transmitted diseases. You can either do a test together or use a condom.
Finding a secondary partner might be challenging. You won’t find the perfect person while walking on the street. Even when you find a person you like, you still need to tell them what you want and ask if they are up to that. Do not procrastinate and get to the point immediately. The other person might be monogamous, so be fair and honest. If there is chemistry between you and your secondary partner, explain your expectations. The other person might be in an exclusive relationship or want to find a partner for an exclusive relationship, so an open relationship is not an option. Online dating apps can be helpful to find people that share the same interests, so emphasize clearly that in your profile.
Another aspect of the open relationship is establishing a game plan between you and your partner. Opening the relationship is supposed to make you feel better, and including a third person can be delicate. Therefore, agree about talking about the new experiences. Do you want a don’t-ask-don’t- tell policy, or you want to share the experience? While some people want to know each and every detail about their partner’s sex life, others are okay being left in the dark. Please talk with your partner about their preference and make sure you don’t hurt them.
Avoid Lasting Jealousy
It is interesting that many couples are in an open relationship from the beginning, while others discover they want something new later on. Jealousy is emotion and is not excluded in both cases. Sometimes people start feeling insecure or face possessiveness. You have to calm down your partner and convince them you and your relationship are the priority.
