Red flags are those tiny little voices we hear in the back of our heads that say, “Hold up! Something isn’t sitting right?!??”
A warning sign that something might be… off.
Of course we usually ignore them, sweeping them under the rug with all of the other nagging doubts we’ve collected over the years– all because we feel like this is somehow better than being alone.
Somehow, we always find a good excuse to talk ourselves out of seeing any major flaws in this person, even when those flaws are blaring. You may find yourself thinking:
“Why risk true love over a few minor ‘challenges’?”
“I’m sure I can change him.”
“Maybe I’m just being too picky.”
“Their positive characteristics outweigh their negative ones.”
Hmm..maybe for now.
In relationships, red flags are signs that the person probably can’t have a healthy relationship, and proceeding down the road together would be emotionally dangerous.
This type of person comes into our lives to hopefully open our eyes to some of the red flags within ourselves that attracted them to us in the first place.
Throughout all contexts, the term “red flag” signifies a reason to stop.
To be able to recognize and avoid these red flags is the only way you will stay safe from heartache and wasting time on someone who is not right for you.
Let’s look at 10 major relationship red flags and why they should never be ignored.
1) “Small” Violent Displays
It can start off as seemingly innocent behavior, like honking their horn at every other car or screaming expletives into their phone while dealing with customer service.
Give it a little time, and you will soon be the subject of their wrath.
Passive aggressive behavior, manipulation, name calling…all of the above are also abusive behaviors and should never be taken lightly or excused.
Unfortunately, it can be hard to tell where the line between normal and unhealthy lies in a relationship, especially if you’ve been exposed to this type of behavior since childhood.
Seeing your parents (or someone else that you love) act this way in your adolescence may have you believing that screaming and throwing things around is just normal behavior.
But it’s not.
A person displaying this type of behavior does not have control of their emotions and has some serious pent-up anger, just waiting on a triggering situation to let it loose.
“But I love him….he’s just passionate.”
Yikes.
What starts off as mere aggressive communication can quickly escalate into physical violence. If your partner is constantly yelling at you and calling you names when you argue, please do not ignore this red flag.
You may think that because they aren’t being violent right now– it’s not a major issue. However, this type of behavior is actually very dangerous and should never be taken lightly.
2) Substance Abuse
There’s nothing more fun to me than partying with my partner. We all like to feel boo’d up and loved on when we’re a little lit! But there is a “not-so-invisible” line between having fun, and complete reliance on alcohol or drugs to get through the day, the week, or through rough spots in life.
Being in a relationship where one person’s substance abuse is not addressed or accepted as problematic is never healthy, and will likely lead to some serious conflict down the road.
It’s all fun and games until it’s not. When you are in a relationship, you start to pick up your partners habits, both good and bad.
I was once in a relationship where I was so oblivious to the fact that my ex was addicted to pain meds. I was convinced that ONE little pill a night was no big deal.
Once I found myself joining him in “bedtime medication parties”, I realized how harmful it was to be complacent.
If you are in a relationship where one of you is constantly reaching for the bottle or trying to convince you why taking drugs every single day is no big deal, please don’t ignore that red flag!
Addiction is an animal that is hard to tame. Please don’t let that person convince you that it’s not a problem or that they can control it. Which brings me to our next red flag…
3) Controlling Behavior
You’ve seen the memes, “If they’re not obsessed with me, I don’t want it!”. And there is a concerning amount of women who actually have crushes on the toxic, serial killer, obsessive stalker character in the show “YOU”.
Controlling behavior can start very subtly, without you even noticing.
It can be small comments like “Why did you wear that outfit? It’s not flattering.” or their tone becoming impatient when you tell them about your day.
If they become extremely jealous of the time you spend with others, constantly asking where you are and who you are with…it may be a sign of controlling behavior.
Please pay attention to the way they speak to you and treat you.
4) Lack of Trust
Trust is a major component of any healthy relationship. If one person doesn’t trust their partner, it’s going to lead to some serious communication problems down the road.
When individuals have low levels of trust in their partner, they may test them to see how supportive and responsive that person is.
This can lead on an unhealthy path with negative thoughts or suspicion, which could result into bigger problems such as emotional abuse.
If your partner does not trust that you are being loyal or true, then they will most likely become more controlling or pursue other ways to “check up on you”.
This is never healthy for either party, and may cause serious trauma down the line.
5) Blatant Disrespect of Your Boundaries
Disrespectful behavior by your partner can lead to issues of disrespecting your boundaries later on in life. Unfortunately, those who are manipulative and have a poor sense of self tend to repeatedly violate personal boundaries in order to get what they want.
If your partner is constantly making you feel guilty or shamed for wanting to set boundaries, this may lead to some dangerous situations in the future.
If you know that something makes you uncomfortable and your partner exhibits any of these behaviors…it’s not okay!
Lack of respect towards your feelings should not be tolerated!
6) The Victim Mentality
This person is never responsible for what they do or say. They make excuses, play the victim, and blame others for every bad choice they make in life…even if it has nothing to do with anyone but themselves.
If your partner lives with a victim mentality, they will likely have a hard time taking responsibility for their actions and choices.
This can lead to serious health issues down the line if they have an inability to learn from past mistakes, which could lead into repeating them!
7) Inability or Lack of Willingness to Grow as a Person
Unfortunately, some people will never want to grow and change. They become extremely rigid and set in their ways, never wanting to let go of the past.
If your partner doesn’t have any motivation to better themselves…it may be time to reevaluate what direction you’re headed.
Life is about taking responsibility for your mistakes, learning how to grow from them, and then pursuing the future you want!
If your partner does not have this mentality, it may be time to let them go.
These are just a few warning signs that many people tend to ignore in relationships.
Please do not fall into the foolish notion of thinking “Oh, everyone has those issues from time to time. I’m sure it will work out.”
If you see these red flags and can relate, please break off the relationship immediately!
For all of you who have ended up in toxic relationships…congratulations on having the strength and courage to leave. It’s not easy to leave someone who constantly makes you feel worse about yourself.
In the end, you have to do what’s right for your own health and well-being!
Remember that nothing is worth sacrificing yourself over. Promoting a toxic lifestyle will only hurt you in the long run.
That being said, hopefully this has been helpful and informative. Good luck!
