The beginning of a new relationship can be described as one of the most amazing feelings in this world: you can’t eat, sleep or do anything without thinking about them. Being in love can become an obsession. You know that feeling when you get butterflies in your stomach every time you talk about the person you’re in love with? Every touch, kiss, hug, and conversation is priceless. How can you tell in the beginning if it is real love or lust? Is the feeling just a sexual connection, or does it go beyond just the intimacy? What is the difference between love and infatuation?
Lust vs. Love
Love is the most intimate and profound feeling of affection that comes when you deeply care for your partner. Lust, on the other hand, is an extreme physical attraction, a can’t-get-enough-of-you feeling that leads to an overwhelming sexual desire for your partner.
The difference is enormous, but sometimes it isn’t easy to define what you feel for your intimate partner. I hope this post will help you understand whether you are in love or if it is pure attraction.
What do we mean by ‘love’ and ‘lust’?
Lust is a fierce sexual attraction to another person. The feeling of overwhelming sexual desire and physical attraction is powerful but doesn’t make you feel complete. In the worst case, lust is a distorted perception and idealization of what you want to see rather than what that person really is. This powerful sexual drive often makes partners think that sex is all they need.
Love is a complex feeling of sexual attraction, deep affection, trust, and care. Love is a deep connection between two partners and includes accepting each other fully, with all the flaws and strengths. Lust is primarily about physical excitement, while love is emotional.
The short answer?
In a few words, love is both physical and mental intimacy between two people, while lust is sexual desire without any deep, spiritual connection.
How to tell if it’s love or lust?
It would be unwise to talk about rules and definitions, but there are a few things that will help you understand your feelings better. Self-reflection is always the best way to distinguish whether it’s love or lust.
Ask yourself:
- How would I describe my relationship with this person? Why am I interested in them?If you are interested in getting to know your partner better, you probably are falling in love. But, if your interest is having sex with your partner and nothing more than that, lust is the answer.
- Am I open to work on this relationship? Lust is an amazing feeling and keeps things simple: you are enjoy having sex with your partner, but you prefer not to go deep under the surface. This situation is an ideal level: sex without complications. On the other hand, if you are interested in having difficult conversations and talking about your feelings, you have an emotional attachment to this person.
- How do I feel about his/ her flaws? Lust is focused on pleasure and sexual desire. When you feel physical attraction for your partner, you won’t waste time arguing about their behavior and character. But, if you accept your partner’s flaws and negative qualities, you feel something more profound than just sexual desire.
- Is our relationship getting better over time?If you are together for a year or so, and you don’t talk about the ‘big decisions,’ your relationship focuses on immediate gratification. Love means commitment and making plans for the future. Lust evaporates over time, but love persists.
- Do I feel secure in this relationship?Lust is impulsive; love is steady and secure. If you feel too vulnerable and avoid talking about things that bother you, if you are afraid to open your soul, it means you don’t trust your partner. Love will make you want to talk about your partner, no matter how delicate the topic is.
Many of you probably would ask: Are there signs to look for to determine what someone else is feeling?
That is a tricky question, and I cannot give you a simple answer. Love has a different definition for different people. Some express their love through words, others through action.
However, the following signs differentiate love from lust:
You Want To Spend All Night Talking
Partners who are deeply in lust can easily stay up all night long, and they certainly will enjoy each other’s company, but conversation won’t keep them awake. On the other hand, people in love are interested in getting to know their bodies and minds. Two people in love want to know more about each other, but it does not refer only to their sexual desires. When you want to connect with your partner on a higher level, you are interested in knowing everything about them: their fantasies, opinions, and point of view. Even if you don’t agree with everything your partner says, you will still be intrigued by each other’s minds.
You Want To Cuddle And Have Breakfast The Next Day
Love includes sexual desire, among other things. However, if you want to stay to cuddle and talk with your partner after you’ve had great sex, love is what you feel.
Love is when you want to spend the morning together, drink coffee and eat your breakfast, even if that means you might be a little late for work. In other words, if you notice that you are starting to prioritize this person in your life, you are probably falling in love.
You Can’t Stop Thinking About Them.
Both love and lust can make you think about your partner all the time, but the difference is what you are thinking about. If you are daydreaming about the physical aspects, you probably feel lust. But, if you daydream about something amusing your partner said, or some romantic gesture, the feelings are real and profound.
You Want To Meet Those Important To Them
Partners in love are interested in everything about each other, including meeting their loved ones: family and friends.
When you love someone, you want to know all their sides. Meeting their family and friends, even their colleagues at work can tell you a lot about your intimate partner. Before you met your partner, you spent most of your time with your family and friends, and people around you reflect your personality. So, meeting the friends and family of your partner will answer many of your questions without them even saying one word.
If your relationship gets serious, each other’s family and friends become a big part of your life, and that’s just another reason why when you love your partner, you want to love everyone they love too.
On the other hand, if it’s just lust, you won’t care about your family and friends’ reaction to them or care to introduce them at all. Deep down, you don’t see a real future with them.
You Know They’re Not Perfect
We all have flaws, and no one is perfect, but you don’t want to wast time with someone who annoys you when it is lust. When you are interested in getting sexual pleasure and nothing more than that, you create an idealized picture of your partner, and you are not interested to know who they really are.
On the other hand, when you love your partner, you want to know everything about that person, even their flaws. Also, you don’t mind if that person knows the worst of you. Loving someone means you accept their weaknesses, and you don’t try to change them.
It Takes Time
Love at first sight is just a myth. However, lust at first sight is real. Lust is a strong attraction that you can feel in your body whenever that person touches or kisses you. Don’t let physical attraction cloud your mind and confuse you. Relationships need time to develop, and it is impossible to start loving someone instantly. True love takes time to evolve.
On the other hand, these are the signs that it’s likely lust versus love:
You crave the other person physically.
If your heartbeat gets faster when your partner grabs your hand or kisses you, if you dream about having sex all the time, it is lust, without a doubt.
When your partner texts they had a bad day, you don’t feel the need to call them immediately.
If you avoid any connection on a deeper level and are not interested in having small talk with your partner, it is a clear sign that you are infatuated. If you don’t bother asking your partner how their day was, and you ignore when they talk about having a problem, it means you don’t care about that person. And love is about caring for someone.
You enjoy spending time with them, but don’t daydream about your future together.
Having sex is amazing, but if that’s all that matters for you, then there is no love. When you love someone, making plans for the future is super important. Lust is when you feel a physical connection without emotions.
Pro tip: If you had to read this blog to determine if you are in love with them or just their sex…it’s probably not love 😉
