Most people have been through a break-up, and no matter if the relationship lasted five months or five years, the ex-partners have to deal with their emotions and broken hearts.
Sometimes it feels that after a break-up, all you need is your bed, sad music, and drowning your sorrows with food or wine. But is that the solution you need? Will the blanket over your head offer you the comfort you need?
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings and Openly Discuss with someone you trust
It is natural to want to feel better after the break-up. Most people try to hide, neglect, or even deny their feelings. However, it is important for your mind and soul to do quite the opposite: express what you feel. Part of the healing process is to acknowledge what you feel.
After a break-up, it is totally fine to feel powerful and negative feelings: sadness, anger, jealousy, regret, confusion. Break-ups bring complicated emotions, and you should not suppress and ignore those feelings. Instead of prolonging the grieving process, it is healthier to cope with the broken heart. That way, you will speed up the grieving process, and once you identify your feelings and let yourself experience those negative feelings, you will start feeling better. Even though it is really hard, you need to get through the stages of grieving: shock and denial, anger, depression, and eventually acceptance.
Talking about what you feel is one of the most powerful tools to manage the negative feelings after the break-up. Open your soul and talk to someone supportive: your friends, family, colleagues. If it feels more comfortable, you can speak with a complete stranger. Talking and expressing your feelings will help you understand and even relieve some of your pain. Don’t isolate yourself, and don’t avoid talking about your feelings with the people who can give you support and help you deal with the break-up.
Whether you broke up a long, idyllic relationship or a short one fraught with issues, you will miss your partner and all the things and emotions you have with him, so allow yourself to grieve.
Another option to express your thoughts and feelings is to write them down. You can write a journal or a letter which you will never send. You may feel the need to talk in the middle of the night when nobody is available, or your thoughts may be too private and intimate to share with others.
2. Remove Reminders of Your Ex
When getting over a breakup, it is super important to clean your apartment from all of your ex’s belongings and all things that remind you of him. It would be difficult for you to move on and heal your broken heart if you still have his t-shirt, the first gift, or a picture on the nightstand. So, take the time you need and remove everything that reminds you of him.
You definitely should not throw his stuff away on the street or burn it in the backyard. Instead, return the stuff if you want, donate it, or box up the items and put the box in the basement. If you constantly see the reminders of your ex, it will delay the healing process.
Another critical step is to unfollow your ex from all social networks. When you feel alone at night, you may be curious and easily succumb to temptation and open his profile to go through his photos and posts. Even if you don’t do that, receiving constant reminders about his activity will distract you and keep you stuck in the place you want to escape. Keep in mind that the fewer connections you have, the easier it will be to forget him and heal your heart.
3. Don’t Personalize The Loss
After a break-up, it is natural to blame someone, but try not to personalize the loss and never put the blame on you. Even if you regret your choices while you were in a relationship, the loss is not your fault; particularly, it is not only your fault. If you constantly blame yourself and think that everything went wrong because of you: you will never get over it. The break-up is a result of conflict, incompatibility, and disagreement between two individuals. Both partners are trying to satisfy their own needs, and if they are unable to fulfill each other needs or try to negotiate, the break-up is inevitable. Finally, try not to forget that nobody goes into a relationship just to hurt his partner.
If it is easier for you, make a list of your ex’s faults. Instead of thinking about what you miss, write all negative things about the character and attitude. If you want to heal your heart and move on, remind yourself that you are not the best fit, after all. It may sound unreasonable, but it is necessary.
Make a list of all big or small things that bother you about him: is he drinking too much? Is he selfish? Does he change his job too often? Doesn’t want to make big plans for the future? All those red flags initiate that your relationship would never work.
4. Accept That It’s Over
Sometimes, people are romantic, irrational and hope to reunite with their ex. But, what are the chances for that? After a breakup, the chances to find a way and make ‘things’ work out are pretty slim. If you didn’t manage to smooth out things while you were in a relationship, what makes you think you can do that after the breakup?
Healthy coping is to accept that the relationship between you two is over, and it is time to move on. The faster you accept that it is over, the easier it will be to heal your heart and start feeling better.
Face with the fact that most partners don’t reconcile, and your ex’s chance to realize he made a mistake is equal to zero.
Stop thinking about what you have done wrong, forget all mistakes you may or may not done, and keep moving forward. Healing may take some time but keeping it real is crucial for recovery after the breakup.
5. Take Care of Yourself
If you ever wondered if you should indulge yourself, a break-up is a perfect time to do that. Pamper yourself and heal your heart. Taking care of yourself is the key to feel better. Do things you enjoy: go to the spa center, make a reservation in a fancy restaurant, buy the shoes you always dreamt of. Invite your friends and have a hot bath or try a new massage. It would be best if you do not forget that taking care of your body is essential, making sure you’re eating healthy food, exercising regularly, or going to yoga classes.
However, any drastic changes to your appearance are not a good idea. Break-up is not the ideal time to change your hair color or cut it off. Instead, focus on your mind and try to control your emotions. You don’t want to make something you will regret about, once you calm down.
A new hobby will fulfill your time and will help you to think about something positive. Have you ever considered dancing, drawing, cooking? You can always join a book readers club or start hiking. Choose an activity that will boost your mood and stay open about meeting a new person.
A solo adventure may be refreshing after spending time as a couple. When in a relationship, people effortlessly get used to spending time with their partner, so traveling alone might be tricky. Part of the healing process is to learn how to be single again. It is liberating to make plans about yourself only, but it might take some time until you get used to the idea that you are single and you will spend time alone again. If you don’t feel sure about huge changes, you should not plan a two-week trip to Thailand, but a two-day trip to the local village is a great start.
6. Connect With Other People
Instead of lying in your bed and watching romantic movies, choose your favorite dress, put on some makeup, go out, party, and meet new people. It may be challenging not to wallow in self-pity after a break-up, but you need to heal your heart. Connecting with other people is a healthy way to get over the break-up. Call your friends and family and spend some quality time together. Pajamas and messy hair won’t make you feel better.
Instead, go to dinner and talk about funny things. Power of laughing and fun activities with people who love you will help you to forget your ex.
Make sure to have an emergency contact, a person who will support you during the difficult moments of weakness. Every now and then, you may think about getting back together, and you will be in the temptation to call your ex. So, you need a person you can call at 2 a.m. to talk you down from any crazy, stupid ideas.
7. Start Dating Again
Last but certainly not least: stay open for a new relationship. Don’t make sudden changes, and don’t jump into a new relationship too fast. Don’t make reckless steps that will mess up your feelings. Take time to heal and make wise steps. No matter what the break-up was, revenge is not a solution to your feelings. It won’t make you feel better and won’t help you forget your ex. Stay positive but don’t jump into another deep relationship. The best advice you should follow is to meet new people. Smile, laugh, and talk. You never know where you can meet the right person.
