Does having Sex on the First Date Matter to a Man?

(9 minute read)

This is an interesting topic that seems to come up almost on a daily basis.

We all have our own ideas about sex that stem from things like our up bringing, personal encounters, and societal norms.

On one hand we preach that people should be free to explore their sexuality as they see fit.

On the other hand, as a society we constantly see a hidden agenda about sex and values that come with it.

Even the most minuscule things can be considered taboo If you’re around the wrong people.

So as a woman, will having sex on the first date make a guy view you in a certain light?

‘Lettuce discuss’

But first let’s take a moment to recognize something very important.

We are FINALLY living in a society where women have far more freedom to explore their sexuality.

About time right!?!

With the exception of illegal and predatory behavior, It’s my strong belief that no one should ever be shamed, disrespected, or discriminated against for their sexual preferences.

When I hear that a woman was disrespected or treated poorly because society labeled her a slut, I always want to go check the browser history of the people shaming her because I bet they are 10x worse.

It’s typically hypocritical, and the people who are the most vocal are the ones who are REALLY doing some strange shit behind closed doors.

So do men not take women seriously if they sleep with them on the first night?

I think that this is a very loaded question that can’t be answered in just one way.

As a man, I can tell you this. I have never had a rule that said “I will not pursue a woman any further if she sleeps with me on the first night.”

I have also never met another man that has a rule like this or has ever even thought about it really.

I think that women place far more emphasis on this and are way more cognizant of it.

HOWEVER, for whatever reason, I have never actually taken a relationship to the next level and called a someone my girlfriend if we had sex on the first night.

Again, it isn’t a rule of mine, but it simply has just not worked out that way.

I never really cared about it but what I began to realize was that it is far more deep rooted than our thoughts and may have a lot to do with our primitive and subconscious impulses.

So I came up with a theory that i’m sure someone else has already coined but i’m not aware of any such theory.

The Theory of the Hunter vs. the Hunted.

Now before I get into this, I want to make it very clear that I am not referring to any predatory behavior.

So for any man haters out there looking for vocabulary so that you can muddy the waters, understand that we are talking about instincts, not predation.

I came up with this theory because one morning Ashley and I were walking our Dog-child Kobe.

As we were walking we saw the neighborhood stray cat that we sometimes pop open a can of tuna for when he comes by our place.

We call him Tiger.

Tiger is a massive bright orange stray cat that is legitimately unlike any other stray cat I’ve ever seen.

I legit thought he was a baby lion the first time I saw him and had to do a double take.

He is super ferocious, aggressive, and terrorizes many of the animals in our area.

No joke I’ve seen him take down other cats, large  snakes, and even rabbits.

He’s a beast.

Its always entertaining because Tiger loves to “stalk” his prey and crouches in the grass just like you see lions doing on the Discovery Channel before they attack a gazelle.

So on this fateful day we saw Tiger walking by with a very large dead squirrel in his mouth that he had just mangled.

Ashley and I were both like “wow.” Although it was super gross, we are glad that he would be able to eat for a few days.”

What happened next stunned us.

Tiger saw another squirrel about 20 yards away gathering some nuts and doing some other squirrel shit.

Little did this squirrel know that today was its last day to live.

Right then and there, Tiger dropped his kill from his mouth, crouched down and was ready to attack his new target.

I was super confused because I was like don’t animals just hunt to eat?

Why is Tiger going after more prey if he already has food in his mouth?

And then it hit me that Tiger doesn’t always hunt out of necessity, but rather he sometimes hunts because he likes the process of taking down his prey.

He is always on the hunt and keeping his skills on point just incase a new target comes around.

Then I thought about it.

When I was single and meeting girls, the reason I liked it so much was the process!

I loved meeting a girl, saying some slick shit, and then convincing her to go home with me.

I loved feeling that intense energy that you feel when you have a new attraction, and then just letting it cook until it is too hot to handle.

I was obsessed with the hunt and didn’t even care much about the sex.

And I got bored just as quickly when there was no longer anything worth hunting.

How does this relate?

As I began to study relationships and infidelity, I started to realize two things.

After interviewing lots of men and women between the ages of 25-35 who have been unfaithful in their relationships past or present I discovered:

1. Most of the reason that women cheated was because they no longer felt like their spouse was chasing them anymore. The vast majority needed the feeling of being wanted, desired,  chased and “hunted.” When they did not get this, they felt that their partner “Gave up” or “Stopped Trying.” Therefore they gave in and finally gave that creepy guy who always hit on them a chance

2. .On the other hand, men that cheated said that they were bored, and wanted to go after something new and exciting. They saw something hot and new that they wanted to go after and was giving them a bit of attention so they went with it. While their wives didn’t have much interest in doing new things sexually.

(Check out Ashley’s blog post The Shocking Reason Some Women Prefer Married Men to learn more about this study).

My epiphany was that the need to chase and be chased are deep rooted primal instincts that we have as humans.

These desires have very little to do with rules, upbringing or societal norms.

Rather they are biological responses that we have developed in order to keep our existence as humans inevitable.

So that being said, my answer to the above question is yes, having sex on the first date matters to a man.

Although it is not a conscious decision or a rule for him, there is something deep down inside of us that makes us not feel the need to pursue a woman if she is easy to sleep with.

In addition, subconsciously it is easy for a man to rationalize not calling you back after you sleep with him on the first night because since it was so easy for him to get with you,  who’s to say that someone else can’t do the same thing?

A lot of men (mostly insecure men) subconsciously don’t want to be with a woman with a high body count and the two seem to correlate directly.

Or at least in our minds.

If he could take you down that quickly and easily then he subconsciously assumes that pretty much anyone that walks up and says some slick words can do the same.

Don’t blur the lines.

I think it’s important to understand what you are seeking and not to confuse yourself.

I hear so many women say the line “I have no luck with men.”

They claim to want a relationship and a deeper connection with a man.

Fair enough.

But then when I ask them about their ideas about sex, they often times are completely okay with doing something sexual (not just full on sex) on the first date.

If you are just looking for casual sex then I think its great to live your life and be free.

However, If you are looking for something stable and consistent then I would advise from a man’s perspective to make him practice some restraint and give him something to look forward to and chase.

Don’t get me wrong.

There are plenty of happy, thriving, relationships that have started as quick sexual encounters.

I don’t want to discredit that.

But what I do want you to understand is that if you asked 10 guys if they slept with their current wife on the first date, I would venture to say that 70-80% of them didn’t.

Thats just not a trait that he found desirable in a woman, especially if he is in the mindset of getting into a potential long term relationship (not all men just want sex).

Again, this probably wasn’t a rule for them but it just rarely works out that way.

Personally, me and Ashley did not sleep together on the first date.

Again, it is not a rule that either of us have.

We both have slept with people on the first date in our past.

We both just understood that it was probably either going to be a hook up type of relationship or a one off type of thing with those people.

When it came to our relationship, we both saw the potential in a future together and subconsciously opted to get to know each other with no goals of making sex a priority.

I strongly believe that because of that restraint, she ended up being my wifey while there were plenty of other girls that weren’t so lucky and never got a second call.