Ask Big Ash: "I Got Pregnant From a One-Night Stand. What Do I Do?"

This sounds like the plot of “Knocked Up”, except it’s your real-life and I’m sure nobody is laughing. You got pregnant from a one-night stand and now you’re not sure what to do.

Knocked Up (2007) KATHERINE HEIGL and SETH ROGEN

Questions like, “Do I keep the baby?”, “Do I tell him?”, “Am I ready for this?”, and “How can I be so stupid!?” are likely racing through your head.

The first thing you have to do is calm down.

It’s okay to be freaked out, but panicking won’t help you decide what to do about this situation. Whatever choice you make next will have life long consequences for the both of you, so it’s important to be methodical about the decision making process.

First, you have to think through all of your options.

Keep the baby as a single parent.
Keep the baby and co-parent.
Seek an adoption.
Have an abortion.

No matter what choice you make, it will likely be a difficult time for you and your family. But before we get into that, let’s talk about some things that may seem like minor details now but might end up making the decision for you later on down the road.

Do you have to tell him?

Legally, no. Ethically, yes.

Although you have no legal obligation to let him know, it is probably the right thing to do. Whether you want to keep the baby or not, there’s a chance he might actually be great help and the support you need at the time.

You don’t have to tell him right away, but do think about it. If you decide that for whatever reason you just can’t or won’t tell him, at least think about what kind of message that sends to the baby (if you decide to keep your baby).

If you decide to raise your child as a single parent:

How a child is raised directly effects who the child will grow up to become. This sounds like a big decision that you should take time to think through. Weigh the pros and cons of single parenting.

Be honest with yourself about the real possibility that you could be a great parent alone, or whether this would effect your baby in a negative way long-term.

This is not something to take lightly since this decision will affect you and your child for life:

In your current financial, emotional, and social state, are you able to provide for your child’s needs?
Do you think that is the best decision for your baby?
Will you have unconditional love for your baby?
Can you provide a safe and comfortable life for this child?
Do you have anybody that can help you?
Are you ready to take on the responsibility of being a parent?
Are you capable of handling the pressure and demands of parenting?

If you decide to co-parent:

Whether a child has one parent or two, children do well when they have parenting that’s nurturing, warm, sensitive, responsive and flexible.

Although you may not be able to live together with the father, you can still find ways to create an atmosphere that allows your child to grow in a healthy way.

Consider the following:

What are your co-parenting goals?
Would you try to have a romantic relationship with this person?
Will they be able to help financially?
Would they be available if needed?
What kind of relationship will both parents have with each other, and how might that impact your child?
How often would you get to see and/or spend time with the child?
How might the child feel about being raised by two people who are not together?
Would one parent have more time with the child than the other parent?
Does every child need a father in their life?
Will they need to pay child support?
Is it possible that the father may not want to have a relationship with the child?

If you decide to seek an adoption:

Many women are faced with the difficult decision of whether or not they should give up their baby for adoption. Adopting into a loving home offers many benefits, but it is also an extremely personal choice that shouldn’t be taken lightly.

To make sure any decisions made about giving up your baby will allow both you and your child to thrive, consider everything from finances down feelings:

What are your reasons for looking into adoption?
Do you think your baby will be better off being raised by someone else? Why?
Do you have what it takes to be open with your feelings?
Do you feel confident about being able to handle the pressures of the process?
How quickly will you be able to come to a decision about placing your child for adoption?
How would you feel about being unable to have a relationship with the child?
Would you be able to handle an open adoption?
What kind of family do you see your baby going to?
What kind of life do you imagine that child will have?

If you decide to have an abortion:

If you’re thinking of having an abortion, you are so not alone! Abortion is very common, and people have them for many different reasons. Only you know what’s best for you, but good information and support can really help you make the decision that is best for your own health and well-being.

Consider the following:

Are you capable of going through with an abortion emotionally, physically and financially?
Are there any long-term physical or emotional effects potentially involved?
Who can provide support for you emotionally, financially and physically after the abortion?
What are your reasons behind having an abortion?
Would it be better to wait until you are stable in life before becoming pregnant again?
What would it mean for my future if I had a child now?
What would it mean for my family if I had a child now?
Do I feel pressured to have an abortion?

It’s all up to you!

No matter what decision you make, it is important to remember that no one can tell you how to live your life.

What’s right for someone else may not be the best choice for you.

We encourage all of our readers out there struggling with this difficult decision or uncertain about their future to reach out and talk through things with a trusted friend, family member, counselor, etc.

Whatever option you choose – whether adoption, abortion, or keeping the baby- we hope that it will lead to happiness in the long run!