10 Signs You Are Dating A Narcissist

How many times have you heard the word “narcissist” thrown around lightly, to describe a friend or coworker who seems a little self-involved?

Lots of selfies and constantly flexing, although very egotistical, aren’t necessarily signs of a pathological narcissist.

Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration.

Those with narcissistic personalities believe that they’re superior to others and have little regard for other people’s feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest criticism.

You might still be wondering if you’re dating a narcissist. Look for these 10 signs:

1. A narcissistic person has a grandiose sense of self-importance.

They are convinced that they are better than others. They often have an excessive need for admiration and attention, which they obtain by boasting about themselves and their achievements.

It’s common to see these characteristics manifesting in a person who must always be the center of attention, who exaggerates achievements or talents, lies or embellishes stories about themselves to make them sound more exciting, believes they’re entitled to special treatment, and often must redirect conversations to put the focus back on themselves.

In a relationship, a narcissist is unable to fully understand their partner, because they are too caught up in their own thoughts and needs. They’ll be so wrapped up in themselves that they can’t truly care about the feelings of others, because those feelings are not as important as their own.

2. They are hyper-sensitive to criticism and often fly off the handle.

Since a narcissistic person has deep emotional problems, they can be easily offended and explosively angry.

They are unable to handle any criticism, even when it’s constructive, and may lash out with aggression or go to great lengths to humiliate or diminish the other person. If you find yourself regularly walking on eggshells, trying not to upset your partner, you might be in a relationship with a narcissist.

To them, they are quite perfect and flawless, so any suggestions for improvement are impossibly demeaning.

If you were to point out something they did to upset you, they would likely flip the situation to make it seem like it was your fault, lash out in a heated rage, and then try to belittle you to get an emotional rise out of you to “regain control”.

3. Narcissists lack the ability to be truly empathetic.

You my feel unseen, invalidated, misunderstood, or unaccepted by this person throughout your relationship.

Since they do not understand the concept of feelings, they often try to mimic the emotions of others, rather than truly share in them.

They use empathy as a tool to manipulate and control people, instead of having genuine concern for others.

They’re not able to understand how their actions affect others, no matter how painful those consequences may be for those involved. Instead of thinking about how they might be hurting others, they think only of themselves and what people can do for them. They use other people’s feelings to control or judge them, rather than genuinely connecting with them.

If you were in a relationship with a narcissist, chances are they wouldn’t care about the tears streaming down your face when you’re heartbroken.

They would likely find some way to twist it around and make it about themselves, or relish in the fact that they had that much control over your emotions in the first place.

4. They are often very charismatic, persuasive, charming, and seductive.

Narcissists are excellent manipulators who prey on the sympathy of others to meet their own needs for admiration and affirmation.

They can easily convince people to believe whatever they want about themselves, because narcissists are often fantastic actors with convincing, pleasant personalities.

They possess the ability to tell people what they want to hear and twist things into forms that meet their own needs, all while making it seem like it was completely your idea.

If you were dating a narcissist, chances are, in the beginning they would have a way of making you feel so special and wanted.

Narcissists think that they deserve to be with other people who are special, and that special people are the only ones who can appreciate them fully.

They would constantly shower you with compliments. However, once they achieved what they wanted from you, they would go back to focusing on themselves and neglecting your needs.

5. They demand perfection from their partner, often making excessive demands or creating impossible standards.

Narcissists are never satisfied with one’s self-perceived flaws, and will demand that you change to fit their specific criteria of their ideal partner.

There is always something wrong with your behavior that could be fixed to make them like you more. If they were in a relationship with you, chances are they would constantly remind you to act more like they want you to.

When their expectations are not met, they become inflexible and demanding, and may even threaten to leave you.

They will likely keep attempting to persuade you into behaving according to their wishes rather than accepting you as you are, because they are using you as an extension of their own ego…so you must be perfect too.

Their attempts at trying to change you can often be quite vicious, because deep down, they cannot accept their own faults. They are never able to be entirely happy with someone else unless the other person is purely devoted to them and acts exactly how they want them to at all times.

6. They do not have many long-term friends.

Narcissists will often leave relationships when the other person fails to meet their expectations. They do not want people who might reflect poorly upon them and may threaten to end the relationship if others disagree with or challenge them, causing the narcissist to lose face.

If someone does manage to stick around and be a long-term friend of a narcissist, chances are they would be a yes-man/woman, someone who agrees with everything the narcissist says and never argues.

Narcissists do not have many long-term friendships because when it comes down to it, they only care about their own reflection when admiring themselves in the mirror. People can just never live up to their expectations.

They do not understand the concept of a mutually beneficial friendship, and they cannot form a long-term bond with someone unless it is to their own benefit.

7. They think that everything is a competition, and everyone else is an opponent who must be defeated.

Narcissists need to always be the best at everything they do, and cannot stand it when they are not given credit for something.

If you were in a relationship with them, chances are you would know exactly how important it is to them that they win, and you would spend all your time trying to make them happy.

You might be willing to lie if it means making them look and feel good; you may do anything for their approval because they are so great at manipulating their partner into wanting what is best for the narcissist.

They need constant admiration from people around them to help boost their fragile, egoistic selves.

You may find that in your relationship, they are even competitive with you. You may sense some bitterness in them if you are naturally talented at something, because they would have to compare themselves to you.

Even if their partner is not trying to compete with them or beat them at anything, narcissists are always competing with the people who are close to them so that they can always feel superior. They need someone else there in order for them to feel complete validation of who they are.

8. They do not apologize for anything.

Narcissists are never at fault, and they do not see a reason to say sorry when nothing wrong has been done. They believe that everything is always someone else’s fault, and if something bad does happen, it is your job to make them feel better again so the narcissist can go back to thinking they are perfect.

This is because the only way narcissists can feel good about themselves is if everyone around them loves them and falls at their feet. They have no self-respect or empathy for others, unless it means being able to use that information against you in order for them to look better. The truth hurts, but a lie will keep them happy.

You may find that they do not apologize for things you were upset about, and even if they say sorry without meaning it, chances are they will turn around and repeat the same offense again. They would rather everyone be unhappy with them than to lose their own face in the process of apologizing.

9. If they do apologize, it is a manipulative tactic using guilt to get what they want.

Narcissists have no concept of taking responsibility for their own actions and will frequently play the victim to try and garner sympathy from others. They need constant validation, and if you ever disagree with them or deny them something (especially if they want you to say sorry for something you did not do), they will try to guilt trip you into doing what they wanted in the first place.

They do this because their sense of entitlement means that if they want something, by golly, it is going to happen! You may find you are often apologizing for things that are not even your fault, and because dealing with a narcissist can be exhausting, you may end up apologizing out of sheer weariness.

Narcissists often try to win their partner back through manipulation with passive-aggressive behavior because they are so used to getting everything they want. They will act as if nothing is wrong and do anything to hide the fact that they know it was their fault, even though they will throw the biggest temper tantrum if you do not apologize for something that is obviously your fault.

10. They are very insecure about themselves, so they put other people down to make themselves look good.

Narcissists have a very unstable self-esteem because the only way they can feel good about themselves is if others think that they are great. It does not matter how many people you need to impress or where you need to go in order to try and make this happen, narcissists will do whatever they can to keep up their false image.

You may find that it is always someone else’s fault in the relationship, whether it be your friends’ or even your family’s fault for causing problems with them. If you bring up anything relating to the narcissist’s behavior, they will turn it around and make it about you instead, shifting the blame to make sure they always look good.

This is because narcissists are very insecure people who do not think that they are good enough without a little help from others. They need constant reassurance from others to let them know that they are great because deep down, they know that this is not the case.

Narcissists will even belittle their own loved ones or friends, especially if they do not agree with them and this is because narcissists only like people who make them feel good about themselves and will ditch anyone who does not seem to be as dedicated as they are. They need to make sure that those around them will keep feeding them the reassurance they need.

Narcissists have a parasitic mindset and will try to drain other people’s resources in order to better themselves, whether it be emotionally or financially. If you are ever unsure about your relationship with a narcissist, these signs may help show you the way.

If you think that you might be in a relationship with someone like this:

It may be best to distance yourself and try and work out why you got into such a toxic relationship in the first place.

Remember, narcissism exists on a spectrum, so you might not be dating a full-blown narcissist, but someone who has narcissistic tendencies. If this sounds like your partner, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship and work out why you were willing to put up with their behavior for so long.

By reading this right now, and feeling that resonation, you have taken your first step towards coming out of the dark.

It is never easy to deal with narcissists, as they can be extremely draining to the people around them. They are manipulative individuals who will use you for their own gains, no matter how much it would hurt you to do so.

Remember that you are special without them and deserve better If anyone uses your kindness against you or tries to belittle your thoughts and opinions, then they do not deserve to be in your life.